Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
