i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize