But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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