The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
