Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
