I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize