if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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