dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
