How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
