dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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