is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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