who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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