I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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