I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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