He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
we're making bets on your personal life
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
