i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
