Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
