what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize