Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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