On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize