You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
