Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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