Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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