It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i dont even know how to be here
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
