just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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