I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
