Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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