why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
