How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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