I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
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