im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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