I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
