I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
