he wants to bone in the snuggie
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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