yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
