So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
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