dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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