nut hugger
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize