I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
