I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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