look no pants
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
