he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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