Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
