You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
