Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize