I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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