dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Randomize
