Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
