you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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