I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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