I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
