Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
