guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
