i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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