my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
honey bunches of taint.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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