Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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