she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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