All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize