I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
There's even glitter on my cock...
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