How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
