shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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