So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
