Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
This can only be settled by a dance off.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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