Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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