I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
