Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
