Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
