I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize