I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
